~22~ RELEASING - My Testimonial I

This is my awareness to my root of "Running Away ~ posted on 27th Dec 07" (MORE testimonials on Releasing, watch them in YouTube)

My last releasing session with Heiko & Selina was before Chinese New Year, about end of January 08. I went through pain and lots of hold back, physically and physiologically. I made a decision to look for answers, the root cause rather than running away. I believe that every BREAKDOWN, is an opportunity to BREAK THROUGH, that is a result of PERTURBATION (by Buck Minster Fuller). Anthony and Reza do helped me in finding myself. I ran away from them and I don't know why.

In January 2008, I did 3 releasing sessions in a week. My first releasing was about my mum, I recalled and released her said to me that "I was a rubbish and picked me up from dustbin, I am not her daughter". I knew this statement long time ago, without knowing it hurt me so much deeper than I know of. I was so angry and painful on always wanted to prove myself to others, WHY? "To prove that I'm not rubbish."

• 1st Pattern - Besides proving to others that I am capable, I made myself involved and responded to almost everything enthusiastically with big smile, having an intention to make them known that I'm not rubbish. I know this NOW. Before releasing, I just felt something not too right that just jump into anything without thinking much of what I want, I also mindful enough to detect that I have a pattern of showing others that "HEY, I'm HERE, I can do this, you know..." Just like a dog staring at its food, all slavers leaking out from its mouth, and the eyes stand still with only the bone image on cornea.
  
• 2nd Pattern - I was always angry with my mum, every time I went back to Penang. The conversations always FIRE up. I don't intend to have it, however, it always as it is. I knew that I love her however also very angry with her.
  
• I had justified my capabilities by doing almost everything in life since young, and I don't know why, I thought I am truly talented of doing so. In fact, I got the answer through my releasing. Of course, what next is about knowing the truth, forgive my mum on her ignorant to me. Forgive myself on my past, love myself and send love to mum. GUESS what? During my Chinese New Year trip, I attracted Peace and Love. My husband, Andrew sensed it, it was the first time he saw the peace in me with my mum ever since 12 years of our relationship and it was truly amazing.

Mum, I LOVE you.